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What can happen if you start spelling "armour" without the u...


      Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.

      European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and
thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron
out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a
committee staff at top level by participating nations.

      In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using
's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made
with one less letter. There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond
year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be
written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter
in print.

      In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always been a deterent to akurate speling. We would al agre that the
horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful.

      Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though
nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began
and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after
al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from
words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
      Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis
and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt
vud finali hav kum tru.